There is a proliferation of pornography all across the world these days. It is readily available in digital form and in print wherever you turn.
The consumers of these adult movies range from single young men and women, married youth, and even married pastors.
Pornography is one of the addictions and recovery issues that some romantic partners have to deal with. Some people in relationships who view it think it is harmless, but porn has serious negative effects on romantic relationships.
A study conducted by Amanda Maddox and a group of researchers found that partners who do not watch pornography communicate better with their partners, are more committed to their relationships, and have lower levels of infidelity than partners who watch pornography.
Your partner may be addicted to porn and as a result your relationship may be suffering. What can you do to help your partner overcome the addiction so that you can enjoy a healthy relationship?
1. Support Your Partner
One of the most important things you must do if you want to help a partner to overcome his or her addiction to pornography is to give your lover unflinching support. This will touch the heart of your partner and make him or her feel loved, which is critical if your lover will succeed eventually to make a full recovery. Feeling loved will encourage your partner to persevere when he or she faces challenges during the recovery process.
Additionally, showing support will help your partner to feel less ashamed of his or her addiction. Consequently, he or she may seek professional or spiritual help so that they can break the addiction and make a recovery.
Moreover, showing support will also make it easier for your partner to come out publicly so that the thousands of other couples who are struggling with this same problem can learn lessons from his or her experience, which will help them too to deal with the situation in their relationships and their marriages.
2. Don’t Show Any Arrogance
Do not express disgust when you catch your partner watching pornographic movies. Furthermore, do not judge him or her or pass comments in a condescending manner that will make him or her feel that you think they are “dirty.” That has the potential to make the person withdraw further into his or her shell, which can increase the likelihood that they will watch the movies even more.
Additionally, when you try to make your partner or spouse feel ashamed of their behavior, you may make them stop for a while. However, your lover will not achieve long-term recovery. So, whenever you feel you are beginning to treat your partner with scorn, try to control your attitude.
Rather, discuss the problem and let your partner know how the addiction is hurting your relationship. For example, if your partner has emotionally grown distant from you, let him or her know.
Furthermore, remind your partner of how the addiction can harm him or her. Prior to the discussion, do thorough research so that you can get cogent arguments which you can use to help him or her see that the behavior can have adverse effects on a person.
3. Listen to Your Partner
Try to listen to your lover without judging him or her. Understand why your partner is watching porn movies. Is it because he or she is not getting the intimacy they expect you to give them? Are they doing it just because they think it is harmless fun? How long have they been doing it? How did they start it? Were they introduced to it by friends? Find out why your partner chooses to watch pornography instead of seeking satisfaction from you, and the history of how he came to be addicted.
This information can inform you as to how to proceed to influence him or her to change, and also which angle to use to start tackling the problem. For example, if you know it is his friends who are having a bad influence on him, you can advise him about the importance of having morally-upright friends.
Try to encourage your partner to be communicative and keep listening to your partner with an open mind, even if he tells you things that shock you, or things that you do not want to hear. Try not to show surprise or shock when your partner says distasteful things. Rather, listen to the message behind the words. Listen to the frustration and loneliness behind his words.
4. Tackle the Problem as a Team
Let your partner know that you are a team and so he should feel confident to come to you when he or she slips up or fails.
For example, if your partner fails, do not criticize him harshly. That will discourage and demotivate him or her. Rather, look to the future and do not bring up past problems. So, express compassion and offer words of encouragement. This will motivate your partner to keep on trying, and eventually the time will come when he or she will not feel the desire to watch those kinds of movies again.
You may say something such as this when your partner slips up, “Isaac, I must be honest. I am disappointed that you slipped up. But, I assure you of my continued love. I believe in you. I believe we can overcome this addiction together if we fight on. There is hope for the future. You may have failed today, but I know you will overcome tomorrow. You can always count on my support. Please, when you feel like watching one of those movies next time, please tell me about it so that I can do something more worthwhile together with you.”
When you work together as a team, you can ensure that your relationship will be strong and that can create an atmosphere in which your partner will trust you. When your partner trusts you , you will be the first person he or she will turn to for help. He or she will know that they can get unconditional support from you which is essential for recovery.
5. Learn to be Patient
Your partner may backslide at certain times and watch adult movies or read adult magazines. When you discover it, do not condemn your partner or get angry with him or her. Additionally, do not castigate your lover or make him or her think that you feel they are a failure. Reacting in such ways may make your partner reinforce his or her negative behavior.
6. Install Software on Your Partner’s Laptop
Try to come up with an agreement with your partner which will allow you to install anti-porn software on our partner’s laptop, with his or her consent.
Additionally, come to an agreement so that you will lovingly monitor your partner’s internet activity from time to time. This will help you to help him or her to resist the temptation to visit pornographic sites.
Alternatively, visit Covenanteyes.com and register with them. They have a number of anti-porn software and also accountability models that can help your partner to check his internet activity and avoid pornographic sites.
7. Manage Your Partner’s Environment
With the consent of your partner, burn all adult magazines in the house, and get rid of all adult movie DVDs in the house.
This will help to put your partner in a favorable situation, and also help him or her to cautiously avoid situations that can undermine your efforts to get him or her to overcome the addiction, so that he or she can make a successful recovery.
8. Make it Easier for Your Partner to Do the Right Thing
Let your partner replace the harmful habit with a beneficial habit such as reading the Bible. So, for example, place a Bible by his laptop in the night so that when he wakes up and wants to use the laptop, he will see the Bible. That will remind him to read a verse so that he can keep his mind clean and pure.
Moreover, watch Christian movies, romance movies without nudity and sex scenes, and movies about love with your partner so that you can help to re-orient him about love. Additionally, find addiction recovery stories and addiction recovery articles to read so that he can be inspired.
Furthermore, continue to show love to your partner instead of distancing yourself or stonewalling. A close, loving relationship will make the home a safe haven and will promote communication, which is a great protection from bad influences.
9. Get Him or Her to Socialize Often
Isolation is one of the major factors that make it difficult for people with this kind of addiction to break free.
Therefore, try to get your partner to go out and meet people. Encourage him or her to join associations in your community. Go to parties together with him or her. Let your partner keep busy and occupied and he or she will not find time to fuel the habit.
Furthermore, they may form rewarding relationships and get involved in warm friendships which will give them satisfaction and meaningful attachments that may make them see the meaningless of pursuing the porn addiction.
Alternatively, spend more time with your partner and make efforts to make your relationship more exciting. Plan recreational activities and execute them. Go on picnics. Go hiking together. Play soccer together. Tell each other humorous and interesting stories. Bring life into the relationship. It will help to keep your partner busy as well as deepen the bond of love between the two of you so that your partner will find fulfillment in being in your company, and not in watching porn.
10. Evaluate Your Partner’s Progress from Time to Time
Every last weekend of a month, sit down with your partner and evaluate whether he or she is doing well. Let your partner tell you about how he or she feels and what support you can give so that he or she will not backslide.
Additionally, let them inform you about their desires and whether they still feel strong cravings for adult movies. Then, discuss measures you can put in place to ensure your partner can continue on the road to porn addiction recovery.
Finally, assess where your partner failed in the month and let him or her tell you what they think they can do to overcome those weaknesses. Then, support your partner to implement those suggestions.
11. Let Your Partner See a Counselor
If your partner continues to struggle with the addiction inspite of all the efforts you make, encourage him or her to see a therapist. Offer to book the appointment.
Furthermore, offer to accompany your partner to therapy sessions so that he or she will know that they will not go through the process alone but that they will have the support of the person they love. This can serve as an extra motivation to make your partner agree to see a professional.
12. Read the Bible with Your Partner Everyday
The Bible, which is the word of God, has a transforming effect on the lives of people who read it every day. The words are “spirit and life.” God’s word is backed by His spirit and power and gradually, it can help to transform your partner so that he or she will no longer desire to watch adult movies anymore.
The Bible contains stories of people who have overcome weaknesses before. For example, there is the story of how God’s word made David repent after he had committed adultery with someone else’s wife.
Additionally, there is the story of how Jesus saved Mary Magdalene from a life of sexual promiscuity. These stories and others in the Bible can help your partner to see that others struggled with what he is also struggling with today but overcame and so he can also overcome if he perseveres.
So, read the Bible with him or her. As you read the Bible with your partner, and discuss how some of the characters overcame their challenges, he or she will learn how to resist the temptation to watch adult movies.
The Bible says in Matthew 19 v 26 that, “…with God all things are possible.” The God who holds the whole world in His hands can change your partner and help him to resist the temptation to watch pornography, if you ask Him in faith and humility, and if you believe He will do it.
So, offer up a prayer such as, “Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you that I have someone such as Isaac to love. Father, Isaac is having struggles with adult movies. Please give him the strength to resist the temptation, just as You helped Jesus to resist the temptation of the devil in the wilderness. Aid him in the recovery from addiction. Work on his mind and his heart and remove the cravings from his heart. Give him strength to persevere as he goes through the addiction recovery steps. Father, give me wisdom so that I can have peace of mind to support him. Help me to remember the logs in my eyes so that I will not judge him. Give me a spirit of compassion so that I can help him in love to beat this addiction. Help me to be patient with him when he fails so that I can continue to help him. And help people all over the world who are battling with addictions or who are in recovery. Lord help them to break free of their addictions. Amen.”
Many people have to fight porn addictions and sometimes struggle to make a recovery. But if you cooperate with your partner, love him, support her, and care for your loved one, they shall overcome so that once again you can enjoy a close emotional relationship with him or her.
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